Member-only story
An Abuser’s Tale: If I Could Get Another Chance
Seek help before it becomes too late
I stand here staring out the window, wishing I could turn back the hands of time. How did I mess up the one good thing I had in my life? How did I screw this up? I cannot live without Kamsi; I don’t want to. She’s been a part of my life for so long; she has become a part of me. Maybe I should ask her for one more chance; I promise I’ll be a better man. But then I remember the letter that accompanied the divorce documents.
Chuka,
I cannot do this anymore. I’ve lost myself loving you. I cannot recognise myself anymore, I’ve become a shadow of myself. I love you but I need to find me. I’ve spent the last 5 years of my life walking on eggshells with you, I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be happy, I need to be happy. For so long, I have been looking for the courage to do this. I loved you so much, I gave you my all. I tried my best to make this work; you know how many times I took you back after you hurt me. I’ve basically spent the last 5 years in tears, in the dark. I’ve tried so hard to hold on to you, make excuses for you, but I’m gonna let go now. I need a ray of sunshine in my life.
I cannot promise her that I’ll change anymore; I had promised her that countlessly in the past. I’d be a monster to ask her to come…
